1968:

I was 7 years old.

Divorce was almost unheard of at the time.
Des Moines, Iowa Divorce was scandalous
My parents got divorced
I came home from school one day and my Mom and 2 (of 3) older brothers had left. They moved 40 minutes away
It felt like I had fallen down the proverbial rabbit hole.

1968-2019:

The divorce was nasty and the anger and resentment spanned decades; sending ripples of anxiety, stress, depression and anger into all of our lives. Rather than a safe, happy childhood our experience of family looked very different.

Walking on eggshells all the time
Needing to keep secrets from each parent about the other
Mine fields of topics, phrases, and places
Mental preparation to leave one parent to visit the other
Mental preparation for holidays, and exhaustion and depression during the holidays
Mental and physical preparation for milestone celebrations or how to avoid celebrations altogether (all 4 of us choose not to go to our own high school graduation)
Planning for who would be responsible for which parent to try to ensure minimum fallout for celebrations
Taking sides – the endless pull to take sides and the resulting guilt for having taken sides
The fallout after celebrations for whatever was perceived as an issue
Financial strain: asking for something (Prom Dress, school clothes) and being told the other parent should pay for it, then being told I pay child support…;
Guilt for not being able to protect/ help siblings
Stress of having to support an emotionally overwrought parent

1988:

I made a decision to dedicate my life to “fixing” divorce. I went to law school, and then spent decades practicing family law in an effort to stop the ripples before they began.

1993:

My Wedding – I took a stand. I made a choice. I was done – fed up and exhausted. This was the turning point (at least outwardly) with my parents’ divorce. I would not let their issues affect my children or my marriage. And yet – it still did; because inside I still struggled with all the same emotions. Those survival mindsets I developed during the divorce were still controlling my emotions, fears, behaviors, decisions and dreams.

8/2019-2022

50 years after my parents’ divorce I decided to become a life coach. During my training I went deeply into who I am and what makes me tick. I developed tools and learned to understand my emotions. It was during this time of deep reflection and working on myself that I realized just how deep the impact of my parents’ divorce was rooted in my mind. I had become the ultimate people pleaser. My life decisions, actions and inactions all started to make sense. I could see how being a people pleaser had shaped so much of my life, decisions, the inability to trust myself, the inability to know what I wanted, and my inability to have a vision or to dream.

Being a people pleaser also made running a business for profit practically impossible; it also impacted my relationship with money. So I decided to become a money coach and a business coach.

I have created the path for people pleasers to find their authentic selves, voices and profitable business. I created the path for myself – and now it gives me great joy to share that path with others.